Shackles

I'm self-aware enough to know that I have my share of bad habits. I talk to myself a lot, I spend too much time in my room, I catastrophize, I expect magic fixes to my problems - it's a fair list. I could write posts on a lot of those, honestly, but I won't because A) that would bum me out, and B) there's only one that's been really bugging me as of late.

I have a strong sense of obligation to things. I suppose in some ways that's good, since it means I'm less likely to let things fall out of my life, but most of the time it's painful. I feel this way about so many things - the games and books I own, my hobbies, this very blog - that I feel guilty for neglecting them when I inevitably don't have time for them all. I know most of them aren't going anywhere, but I'm ignoring them now and that makes me feel like I'm doing wrong by them.

I bring this up now of all times because this sense of obligation is starting to affect how I feel about my blog. There's a second layer of obligation to this topic, I'll admit, in that I have to do this for school and I'm graded on it, but I simply don't always have the drive or inspiration to post or write a comment on anything. And that hurts, partly because it makes me worry about meeting my quota and partly because I feel like I'm being neglectful again.

I don't think running this blog is a bad idea - it gives me an available outlet for my feelings, and venting those feelings more often than not improves my mood. But I'm afraid this sense of obligation weighing on me is starting to make me feel burnt out on it. I don't want this to become something else that I drop because it's not making me feel good; I've already half-done it with my art, and I feel bad enough about that.

That fill up your angst quotas?