XOR

"One half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it." - Sidney Howard

There are times when I look at my dream of becoming an author and feel like it's more trouble than it's worth. Today has been one of those times, and it's turning out to be an extended episode. I suppose what's good for TV shows really isn't good for people with anxiety.

I listen to a podcast - Writing Excuses - where a small group of authors, including one of my favorites, gets together and discusses a certain part of the writing process. I make a point of listening to and taking notes on a few episodes a day. For example, today's episodes were about writing endings, using story formulas, and plotting along the three-act structure. The thing is, I really am learning some great stuff from this podcast, but from listening to it I'm starting to realize what a Herculean task becoming an author is going to be ("Herculean" - that's a fun word). There's a lot of aspects that have me troubled, but one in particular has been bothering me for an upsettingly long time.

In at least one episode, the writers were talking about how when you become an author, you will almost certainly have to give something else up, at least for a while. For me, it seems as though that something will be my fanfictions. I've been writing fanfics for the past three years or so, and reading them for even longer, and I'm working on a couple right now. The problem is that fanfictions, due to their non-mandatory nature, are frequently left unfinished by their authors - not all of them are, but a lot of them. It's always upset me when a story I really like is ended prematurely, or when a story I'd like to get into turns out to be abandoned; I don't like reading stories if I know they'll never reach a satisfying conclusion.

But as things are, I might wind up becoming one of those authors who has to turn his back on his fan stories to create his own original works. I don't want to be, and I'd like to avoid that if possible - and I know I can, I've met at least one author who's writing both fanfiction and original works simultaneously - but I'm not sure if that would work out for me.

I guess I'm just down, is all. Have any of you guys ever had to choose between two things you loved? It's a lot harder than I realized.

(Also, for those wondering, the title of this journal refers to a logic gate that's only true if one but not both of the inputs is true - in other words, one or the other but not both. It seemed fitting.)